A Weight Off My Shoulders

I’ve joked many times throughout the years with friends that my boobs weigh about 15 pounds a piece—that’s a lot of goddamned boob and excess weight. Even now at my lightest, they’re still pretty hefty bitches. After surgery….in three days….I will literally have a weight lifted from my shoulders….Oh man, how I am looking forward to walking around, feeling normal [ha-you know what I mean], didn’t say acting normal….I will enter the room first, not my boobs….My boobs won’t knock me out while doing jumping jacks anymore! Look at the fun fucking things I’ll be able to do again kids…..fuck you hard cancer…..so very, very, very, fucking hard sans the lube, ya bastard.

My oncologist called this morning with results of the CT Scan yesterday. They are normal she reports. The bone test has not returned. But I feel more confident about complete cancer removal on Tuesday….-Like I mentioned earlier this week, no ass-slapping or high-fives till I know it’s gone. Mmkay.

Speaking of high-fiving….uhm, you girls love a fucking high-five, don’t you? Seriously, I’ve never been subjected to so many high-fives before. I never knew it was a chick thing [recall, my house of peen bit]. I missed that gene and feel like a complete fucktard every time one of you starts raising your fucking arm….I may just start giving you a thumbs up instead….No offense ladies….Just not a high-fiver….Never received my copy of  ‘how to be a lady handbook’….Just don’t know how to act around people in general.

I did learn more of the mastectomy procedure yesterday. I’ll be having a sentinel lymph node biopsy. I am so ready to know what sort of treatments I’ll have to endure. Fortunately my receptors that are supposed to be good are good and the bad are bad….this is good I’m told for treatment. But they nor we will know anything until SLNB. My husband and family should hear something pretty quick about my staging etc once the breast cancer doctor is done removing my breasts…..And….And.…What are they going to do with those six tumors they extract from my breast? Is it too warped of me to want to hold onto them? I can fashion my own jewelry. Sorta like the raccoon baculum jewelry? I will ask them regardless of what they’re doing with them. Because I’m curious about that sorta shit.

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