You Can’t Hide
Gonna Find You and Take it Slowly
Those who could relate know the world ain’t cake….(the fugees)
41 days ago I found a lump in my breast.
32 days ago I learned I had breast cancer
1 fucking day both breasts will be removed.…motherfuck you cancer….goddammit….
8428 days ago Christopher and I declared our love for each other. [I realize that fact is in no way relevant to cancer. But I do love this app for keeping up with shit for me. As I’m normally scatterbrained or ‘free spirited’ as my hubby would say.]
Today I sit here, drinking my protein enriched coffee, reading some rather lovely posts & bullshit posts on FaceBook, strapped my 30ff’s into my bra for one of the last times….
Okay, cancer I get it, point made; you’re a fucking bitch.
I know too many that have died or who are afflicted with this beast currently.
But really cancer, six tumors, my entire tit? That’s the most traumatic part for me to wrap my head around. It’s a dramatic goddamned turn of events.
I, of all people know life is not easy, but goddammit tumors–couldn’t you have positioned yourselves close enough so all I’d require is a lumpectomy?
The cancer is only in one breast, but I am choosing a double mastectomy because I sure as fuck do not want to have to go through breast cancer again down the road.
Needless to say….I’m fucking paralyzed with fear. I’m a blubbering spastic goddamned mess today. I am going to try to enjoy the day to the fullest. Singing silly Christmas songs and playing who farted? the boy or the dog.
Today I will not let cancer take my joy.
Today I will not let cancer take my love.
Tomorrow I will let cancer take my breasts.
Tomorrow I will not let cancer take my life.