It’s Been 180 Days Since

Since I found that fucking lump in my left boob. Goddammit. Motherfucking cancerous lump….so sorry but every post may begin this way….It’s a lot to ‘get over’ or ‘move past’….I mean seriously….who the fuck would be able to just bounce back from cancer? I know we bounce everyday. I’m not saying I’m stuck either. 
Got the breast cancer diagnosis 167 days ago. Needless to say this have been one fuck of a year. But, I am almost finished. Really guys….I am almost there. I know I said this last week too. I also know I thought I’d not make it through last week. Chemo is the most brutal goddamned thing I have faced in my life. I’ve shot a few babies down my slide, thought I’d die then. But that pain was swift then and I had a human to cuddle. That made the pain so worth while. Chemo, well with chemo I know I still have my life when I finally climb my way back to the top.

Speaking of the baby slide, yesterday was Mother’s Day. While it was pleasant enough in the badboob home, I’m so over all these fucking Hallmark holidays. I lost my own mother when I was 12. I’ve lived on this fabulous fucking earth for 30 years without my mother. While I do miss the notion of a mother, I can’t really say I miss her as a person.  I never had a chance to get to know the real her. I have a few photographs.  How can you miss someone you never really knew? In 2014 Mr. Badboob and I experienced two major losses, back to back, in our lives, knocking us both for a big fucking loop….so much sadness….everywhere fucking sadness….fucking life….fucking death….A day set aside to celebrate  Mom or Dad is swell, but instead of kissing ass one day–just don’t be assholes. Then we won’t need special days. Everyday will be special if we’re cool about and not fucktarded. Give it a try will ya….extend your hand to a stranger, see what happens. Give a compliment, see what happens….Better yet, leave me a comment….I want to hear about random acts of kindness.

Looking ahead…only 11 days till my last chemotherapy infusion! 

Yippee fucking skippy gang.
I’m almost done.
You’re almost done cheering me on.
Can you believe it’s been 94 days since my first chemotherapy infusion?
I’ve had toxic shit coursing through my body, mind, heart & bowels for 94 motherfucking days….

Seriously, I’ve felt love & support from my friends on social media for years. I’ve shared a lot of shit with you guys, a lot more than necessary at times, fuck it. I never thought I could feel more lifted or supported, you guys are absofuckinlutely incredible to me and the whole Badboob family. Thank you for all the meals, notes, prayers, prezzies & healing vibes last week and every week since my boob decided to be a whore and get cancer.

Fuck me. What a year.
I’ve been through challenges before.
Hell, my entire life has been has been a fucking challenge.

There will be no way I could fully & properly thank each one of you…..but I’m working on it. This challenge is definitely different than others I’ve faced. Yes, I had cancer. But life must go on. Bills still need to be paid. House still needs to be cleaned. Kids still need to be cared for. Spouses still need attention. Your life can not stop because of cancer, you may slow down & reevaluate the important shit, but you must keep going….life keeps going whether you want it to or not.

I’m still in a fuckton of pain today. From the power port to torn pec….but the sun is out. We learn to deal We learn to go on. We learn to live.
From my chemo induced delirium to yours, make it a good one.

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