So When You Say Psychosomatic,

You mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?

With all do respect, wanna know what really fucks me the fuck off?
Those of you who are intentionally avoiding sick folks.
Why? Because we don’t know what to say Tara. 
Why no texts? We think a lot about you, just never reach out Tara.
Why no correspondence? We just couldn’t be around you, during treatment Tara.
Well fuck me for disturbing your life and making you uncomfortable. And why you peeping my shit, just to keep up in your own right.  Ya know, breast cancer survivor wasn’t on my bucket list either fuckers….seriously….don’t read too much into this….just getting the thoughts out….I get it, life gets busy and there is really no way to get away from your duties….the duties never end. Soooooo the above statement is a huge generalization of the fucked up shit I think about. While it is hurtful as those comments have actually been said to me, I do get it.

The more I wrote this blog and chronicle my #badboob, the better I feel….I get it….It’s healing me…..it’s cathartic….it’s growth in life….It’s kinda cool though cause I’ve never been writing. Never.  Anyone can have a blog and let their demons out, case in point motherfuckers, welcome….word by word, my scars are slowly fading….fuck you cancerous tit….fuck you cancer….it fucks with a girls head….just sayin….don’t be a stranger….to that lady in the coffee shop….to that gent at the Subway….there is a lot of evil out there. My heart is filled with love for you, the readers, it goes beyond this blog, my life, my real life.

I want you to love. To be kind. To protect. To teach our young.

I’m grateful for my husband and children. I’m grateful for my gifts & blessings during my breast cancer journey. My gifts have been great and small, from the surgeons who donated their services, free, to everyone that has reached out. I now see opportunities in places I would have not normally noticed. I know when I am looking back on my journey, I will be looking ahead at how to help other cancer patients. I’m still not sure what my calling will be, but I know it will be meaningful and I will be helping some of you fuckers out there. 

So many souls

So many cancers

So many tears

IDK if you’re new to the saga of my  formerly saggy #badboob or have been here since day one [you day one fuckers I thank you. That’s fucking dedication. And I like that.] but I’m happy with a bunch of shit too. Dr High, one of the most  highly skilled plastic surgeon in the RDU area.  Dr. Tolnitch the best breast surgeon in my area….I mean, shit they both went above and beyond for a patient….that patient was me….fucking me! Holy shit, the gifts are growing. I’ve noticed an influx of growth in gifts post masecto. I thank you much. The creativeness that goes behind your action to ensure I open with a smile is always achieved.  So many online ‘virtual’ friends, local friends, new and old [fuck guys, the majority of us are well into our 40’s and some have tiptoed into your 50’s & beyond], so much fantastic food, so many prezzies, so much money, so many home bake deliciousness, groceries purchased, shoulders, smiles, hugs, prayers, all of it; thank you.Big massive hugs to each and every single one of you fuckers.You are seriously the best.

Fortunately I’m a SAHM working part-time from the computer and my boss has been incredibly understanding. Fuck me, If I were sole bread winner; we’d have died of starvation months ago because the rain destroyed our cardboard home. For realz. No shit.

My insurance is due to be canceled in 11 days. My medical procedures are scheduled in 29 days. What in the fucking fuck? Seriously motherfucker’s, I’ve been on the phone with so many agents, made and emailed so many copies of the same goddamned information, multiple fucking times. I have a hearing a few days before my surgery. To see if I am worthy of their insurance. This should be a fucking blast. I can’t wait. Whoohoo

One of my favorite ways to sleep is stomach down, it’s a bit difficult to do with the expanders & port. You know the drill, you toss to this side with pillow, that side sheet kicked off foot until you fall into a semi-comfortable-but-your-brain-won’t-quit-kind-of-sleep. Whew….it’s fucking exhausting. I realize that is a small complaint in the complaints of life. I am glad to have some small, trivial shit to bitch about. ~~Seriously cancer this, scar here, doctor’s there, the list never ends. Never Ends….So while I  know some of you beautiful souls living your life with chronic pain [such as I do], some of you are paralyzed, someone is newly blind, some have babies, some don’t, someone just had a miscarriage, someone just lost limbs fighting for us in America, someone had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer….There are so many scenarios. So many people. So many ailments. So many cancers. So many drugs. So much treatments and planning of treatments….the list will always goes on….the list never quits.

From my prescription bottle to yours, make it a great one.

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