A Green Plastic Watering Can

For a fake Chinese rubber plant In the fake plastic earth….

My tits were an integral part of my sexual wellbeing….I’m no longer sexual or well…fuck you cancer’s for invading my body….

It’s been almost a year since I discovered that tiny heart shattering lump in my left breast; I knew. Just fucking knew it was cancer. Little did I know that one lump was part of a six tumor cliche and would result in the loss of both my tits. I’ve enjoyed my boobs very much. Not so much a’natural but in those cute bras I’d purchase from overseas, as there were no manufacturers here in the states that could support my former bust size.

I experienced my first ‘itch’ in the new boobs last week!! Seriously, it’s been 10 months since I had any sensation at all in the chesticle region; milestone day for sure. I couldn’t quite sasiate the itch, but I was feeling it nonetheless…..it’s those tiny things that I focus on so I don’t lose my shit on an hourly basis.

And it’s not that I’ve become anti-water are am making a non-shower statements, but fucking since chemo the water hurts my body. Not like a stubby hurt, more like a whole body kinda flu hurt…goosebumps so big that after I shave legs gotta shave again. My skins feels plastic, postive I’m no longer human….Plastic fake trees have taken over.

And goddammit, I’ve become shaky; like really shaky. Will be addressing with my onco this week, along with a whole host of other post-chemo complaints.

I’ve been cancer free 300 days, last chemo was 150 days ago and I was able to play a big part in the Making Strides Walk!!!! I was very moved and honored to stand there as a 10 month thriver; helping to place medals around the other survivors necks. So many women received medals yesterday….and at least oneA green plastic watering can

In the fake plastic earth young man]…..young, old and every fucking ethnicity of women….with breast cancer….had breast cancer…have died from breast cancer…have had lumpectomies, mastectomies, reconstruction, stayed natural, had chemo, received radiation…..gotten sick, suffered mentally….suffered physically….but there we were….word I heard was a little over 4K showed up on the 15th….We were all smiling…hugging each other, happy/sad crying and genuinely supporting….everyone out there, family, friends, neighbors, colleagues…..it goes on….It was a goddamned beautiful sight I tell ya. And I never thought I’d be so submersed in the movement so quickly. Had no idea my body was going to bounce as quick as it fucking did. The hysto and #badcuff have slowed my roll…fucking lady cave….😂😂

The hurricane kinda fucked us up a bit. Lost all shit in fridge, and yup you fucking know it; I went shopping Friday to stock up….such is life….we lived by candle light and cano stove for a few days…really relaxing and shit.
I usually despise this time of year with all the talk of tata’s, everyone cashing in on that pink buck, greedy fucks they are, I do want you guys reading this shit check your tits; seriously. This time last year I may have already had cancer….and if I caught it any earlier (which I did catch that shit pretty fucking early), I may not have needed the bilateral mastectomy….. I’m not hung up on that at, mind you. But you need to see the importance of earthly detection. Play an active part of your own life. Check your tits ladies….big ones, small ones….cancer does not fucking care; it consumes ’em all….fucking you up for life in its wake….that sneaky ass bastard.

Lemonade Anyone?

Holy fuck me dead! Seriously! It feels as if I’ve finally awoken….after years of just existing….I’d totally lost my drive & motivations and shit….I’d begun redirecting my energies early autumn last year, precancerous tumors that invaded and claimed my left tit leading to demise of rightie….

How fucking crazy is it that having breast cancer, losing my tits, sanity, questioning everything I’ve ever know, receiving toxic chemical via port, skin had become paper thin, bruised easy as fuck, tired, pain, so much pain, can’t eat, not even hungry, barely sleep, nightmares and delusional dreams caused by the toxic treatments; ya know it’s so toxic that hazmat suits are actually required to administer certain chenos? No shit…loss of all hair….I seriously could go on, but I think you guys get the point….has actually helped kick me in the ass and I have started living in the moment. The past will always be there. But fuck, tomorrow will be the last. Hell since you’ve begun reading this….past.  

For the fucking betterment of humans. Though many should be throat punched or worse…..Si many, many of you helped me….in helping others; full circle & shit.

I’m like alive like really, really alive. A few weeks ago I was having emergency surgery to save my life….I’ve known shit’s been fucked from the beggining of my time and if you connect with me and this blog, most likely your time too…😉…hell since humans entered the equation is when the earth began the slow descend to complete destruction of all that is beautiful. 
I see life and appreciate it more.  A whole new life. I know it sounds cheesy as fuck, but it’s fucking true. With steady approach I’ll change my entire thought process and completely brace myself. Me…..by then I’ll have my shed skin at least 10 times….boom new person…

And holy fuck, now that thr implants have settled down a bit, I’m beginning to be more comfortable. A few weeks ago I was praising the Genie bras, well I gave those fuckers up when I discovered bralettes. So fucking cute they are!! Vicortia’s Secrets & American Eagle are best, imo.
You speak from the heart they say. ‘Tis true. All ramblings are front heart, hence the raw & vulnerable feel you may get at times. You’ve witnessed all my stages of grief. [emijo 

Your posture is great they say….yeah cause my big ass boobs aren’t dragging me down anymore.

You walk with a purpose they say…I do have a purpose;  that purpose living, now, here, in the present. The past is already set & dried…the now is still fresh and malleable.

I’m forming the big pile of happy shit at the mo. Feel free to add your creativity on this path; it promises to be fun!! I’m digging my hands further into some local charities, taking on exciting roles. Next week I’ll be featured on the Duke Medicine page with my survivor story. I was chosen to model for my local Macy’s; of which was canceled at last mo due to hurricane Matthew. The show will be rescheduled…..see so many positive things….lemonade fuckers…here, have some; I like mine tart. ☠️💜☠️

 

Not Everyone Gets A Trophy In My House Boy….

Me to sweet babboo during our intensive Foosball game. Ha, he thinks I’m gonna let him win, nope he’s got to earn it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hard ass. But I’m not going to let him win either….balance fuckers. We all need balance. 

And since I’m a Libra, I’m all about the balance. If you’ve seen my Fb or IG you may have noticed I’m all about those hashtags too.

When you’re going to start receiving chemo, you may have a bit of a freak out. I freaked the fuck out, bad. I cried every step in the infusion suite….But we know this is part of treatment. These toxins are to clear our bodies of any last remaining cancerous cells…

You’re going to be sick.
Sick as fuck.
You’ll be hungry, but can’t 
You’ll have to urinate, but can’t
You’ll want to sleep, but can’t
You’ll want to walk, but can’t
You’ll want to eat, but can’t
You’re going to be sick
Sick as fuck

For what seems like days, weeks, months, years…..when in reality it’s only been two and a half days….that’s how bad this shit fuck’s you up.

When I spit, I had to grab it with my hand…too weak to even rid my mouth of spit….

You think I exaggerate? Nope, not one lil deet. When you pee, you kinda let it drip (like the peens do) because you are too weak to even reach around and clean your pikachu….Yes, it’s that bad…no shit.

Forget ginger chews as the mouth sores rebel very quickly. Forget water, it hurts to swallow. I ate nerds. Boxes and Boxes of nerds…the big boy that’s a five serving…ha! One serving for me…yummy nerds.

It’s been 272 days since my bilateral mastectomy, and a few weeks since new tit exchange; you’d think at this point in the game I’d be able to look down at my self (my chest) and not cry, wrong…..When I shower, I do all I can to wash my fakeboobs in the quickest fashion. It’s so odd. Bizarre and sad. My boobs brought great enjoyment to me for many fucking years. Now I’m a clean slate. Still in my human skin, but a bit perky and nipple-less…Just the mere sight and I’m immediately reduced to tears. That gorgeous woman standing with me is Dr. Lisa Tolnitch of Carolina Breast Care; she saved my life December 22, 2015 by removing many tumors and two cancers from my left breast.

So those of you that have been here since day one, know I’ve bitched a lot. I also want you to know your bo,dies. Feel your boobs. Know your lumps, bumps…..I was unsure as to which direction I wanted to take this blog. Cause you know, cancer is gone, treatment is complete, new boobs in place….

We all know presecreening is essential to our health. Had I had a mammogram at 40, my cancer would have went undetected until my next mammo at 45….And while I did catch my cancers early on, there were still so many tumors a lumpectomy wasn’t an option for me….It may be for you.

Don’t let lack of insurance, fear of needle pricks or any other ism/excuse hold you back…if you find a lump, get that fucker checked out ASAP!!

K. Now for some goodshit…you know my pot of fucking gold……I thought my parting gift from the breast cancer game was fake tits…..wrong…..I’ll be one of ten featured models for Macy’s Model walk for strides against cancer! Yes you read that right! Me a model, for fuck sake!! So stoked to be a part of that. The models are encouraged to sell tickets and create a team…Team #badboob is currently in 18th position for The American Cancer Society, Greater Raleigh! So readers, boob feelers, friends I’m sharing my link with you here in hopes you’ll show some support be it monetary or sharing with your friends. I want Team #badboob to knock this #makingstridesagainstcancer walk so far outta the park. I know I can do it, with your help. Obv….

I‘ve raised over $235.00 this weekend…Not bad since the official American Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer campaign hasn’t officially kicked off yet!
I’m asked to sell 4 seated tickets for family to watch my modeling gig….3 of the 4 have been purchased. If you’d like to help my family by purchasing that 4th seat, please submit $25.00 to my PayPal, firedaizey@gmail.com, monies will be turned into organizer during my fitting.

And….if anyone wants a #badboob shirt, let me know! We get free shipping on orders over 12!!
Donations For Team #badboob Here.