Can You Face Some Unpleasant Truths?

You’ve been duped. The fountain thing does not work

The tooth fairy – fake

Easter Bunny – imaginative fuckery

Santa – made the fuck up

That fucking sneaky ass leprechaun – all fictitious shit of someone’s goddamned brilliant/sadistic mind.

The bible – a gruesome bedtime story

Your brainholes have brainwashed. Don’t take offense, my have as well. Trying to reign that in and recognize areas in which are brains eye is trained to something other than what’s in direct line of vision.

How many commercial jingles can you sing, tv theme shows, movie quotes – yup all brainwashing. It’s not all necessarily bad, mind ya; just calling it what it is.

Puppies die.

Fish get flushed.

Children cry. Momma’s love. Daddy’s hug – Should be reality for ALL, it’s not

Children cry. Momma’s yell. Daddy’s hit – Sadly, this is more the norm

Children mustn’t live in fear. Children mustn’t live hungry. Children must laugh. Children must be seen and heard. Children must grow.

I’d know since I was a teen that I wanted to work with kids in some capacity when I got older. Never saw myself as a teacher. I’ve always been one to walk on the opposite side of the hall, NEVER in formation with other; nope. Was not an anyone other than an ugly and a poor in school. I always knew everyone should have someone, but since I din’t have anyone – graduating high school while living on my own and working two jobs, no parents. Orphaned at 17. Left to live on my own devices.

So, I knew everyone should have someone. And I knew I could be that someone to a future student. And that’s how I became the time out coordinator and shit at an elementary school. Those were the quote bad kids. Nope, those kids were just as good as any pretty. But unfortunately adults/teachers are just as bad at prejudicing against the uglies too. So sad. Think where I’d be today, had I been a pretty. But I digress and know I’m just in this blood and bones vessel temporarily.

So I get the ‘bad’ kids and we work on character education and shit. Playing games, talking about feelings. Good stuff. These kids were awesome. They just had a different learning style. These kids loved the fuck outta me too. I was firm, but supportive, offering that sideways hugs at every meeting. At the end of the week, providing they watched their P’s and goddamned Q’s; they visit my class — for their weekly reward!?!?!? How awesome, right?

As my older boys began their education, I became most vested in the children, especially the BED and EC’s. SO much fun. SO much learning ad potential. And then, I’d yell and scream at my own sons, before heading to school in the mornings to be mean Mrs. Blahblah. Talk about guilt. Hell, my oldest are 24 & 25 and the mom guilt still keeps me up at night – even tho both live on their own, etc, etc…Mom Guilt is real af and it should be recognized.

So, while you’re here, on earth, in your earth body, I ask that you be kind to each other. To be kind to yourselves. Be kind to your kid/kids. Be kind to your spouse.

Just fucking be kind fucksticks.

There may be an ever after, but we all know it’s rarely happy.

Taking You Guys On A Trip Down Mindfuck Lane…

I’ve found and saved some amazing af photographs of New York front the 1800’s and shit. Incredible AF to look at – your brainholes will be smiling. And if you’re anything like me, which chances are you are a beautiful fucker [haaha — beautiful fucker, so not hurtful. Quite contrary, in fact], you’ll get lost in some of these.

Fucking, have you ever, in your lifetime imagined what sweet ole #NYC looked like before the concrete weeds. I have too many times. Especially having grown up in Jersey and having the city just a couple hours away. We’d take ferries to visit the Statue of Liberty. At the time, I had no idea my great grandmother, Nammie, who was still alive until my early teens, had actually entered Ellis Island via ship with her parents and two siblings – one of whom lived to be 99 years of age, having just passed a few years ago. So, at age three or so [idk, I’m so bad with facts and shit]. I’ll look at dates. Do my calculations and forget what the fuck I’m working on. Chemo Brain or Tara brain. This is all Tara brain compounded by chemo and the drugs taken during treatment. So Nammie and her family, escape Budapest in the late 1910’s. They settled and primarily stayed in Bernardsville, NJ. Another side note – You used to be able to see the Twin Towers from a road in Bernardsville, called Jacobs Ladder – google that badboy.

If you have a fascination for pictures of cities and shit in the 19th century, please drop a line and share your photos.

So, without further rambling and shit – fuck me dead, tara, ADD much – uh, yeah man. So much ADD’s. All of them. And CTSD – Current Traumatic Stress Disorder. Science. Bitch.

Legend has it, or I shall tell it as…When the Dutch people of the time had to take a mean ass liquor, gamey animal flesh, goddamned berry churning the intestines dump, eat and eventually pitching what would pass as shelter in 1654 [fucking 1654], they named their quaint lil path ‘Bouwerij’, the Dutch word for path, because it connected cattle farms to the outskirts (what is today) to Wall Street. <— And sidenote this foot food was to go below the Bowery ‘Neighborhood’ picture, but my dumb ass can’t figure how to complete this task on my device. And, fucking hell, I see some of my pictures don’t have captions and I left some off. Edits are afoot….

Apologies, It’s Been Awhile Since I Offered Valuable Advice

I’d like to remind you all about a few effortless activities that you can incorporate into your new daily routine to ensure your needs are met during this time of world turmoil; as demonstrated by Kiki.

Drink water
All the waters
nummy nutrients
It’s so tasty 😋
Take your time chewing, to avoid indigestion.
You can haz the grasses
All the greens 🥬
Curl up with a good book
Lay purrfectly still and breathe
All the sleeps, right meow
Ohm
img_7881
Lay down already and rest

Happy Caturday

I’m Going To Die, If Not Today; Then Yesterday.

Or the fucking year before that in the future. Sometime. The actual fuck is going on in the world rn? Goddamn.

Watching the expeditiously fucking fast rate this Covid19 is spreading is very much unsettling. At the time of drafting this post, the number of identified cases have shot up damn near 100,000. And half those are in the Boroughs of New York City. We are not prepared. This much is evident.

I’ve been actively tracking this virus for almost 70 days.  64 days ago [1/24/20], it arrived in Raleigh. Then, unbeknownst or in spite of the flu and pneumonia shots I’d received prior to the start of ‘cold season’ [The fuck season is this? Death season?], I began deathly ill with the ‘flu’. It lasted from 1/29/20-3/2/20.  And when I tell you I was dragging myself around with weakness or vomiting so goddamned much thought I’d loose my small intestine. I had death in me. I cried. I pleaded. It was heinous af. Felt like I was balls deep into chemo again. I literally – Not hyperbole tara speak – literally dragged my body up the stairs. Napped halfway thru an continued my drag to the bed. Still sitting, head resting on bed. Ffs.

Now, knowing what I know….I’m sure I had the Coronavirus in my body. I know it. The time frames align and shit. But, seeing as I did not have insurance, I did not  go to the doctor. I self treated. And trust me, Monday the 3rd, if I was still sick I was going to get seen. But, had I been seen, I would have been checked for flu – it may or may have come back positive. But the Covid19 test wasn’t even a real glimmer…so I would have been treated for a ‘mysterious illness’. – All my hypothesizing and shit.

For the love of fuck people, #staythefuckhome. When the news and numbers and real ness overwhelms your brain holes, put the damned device down, get off your ass and do something for yourself in your own space. Make it comfy. Relaxing. Chaotically beautiful. You decide. You act. Put #humanityforward and reach out to someone during this time of self isolation, offer your resources. Be responsible with your research and your sources – This is not a goddamned hoax, it’s real af. The hoax is in the truth they hide.

It’s just the matter of days before my family is infected with the sickness. We’ve all been laid off  now, for almost two weeks. I’m going to die. If not today, then yesterday. I’ll be reading your name online in the obits, or you will reading my name. Life is a whore.