When I Get Nervous……

I stick my hands under my armpits and then I smell them like this…. 

Ha! How I love Molly Shannon’s character Mary Katherine Gallagher!

Ya wanna know what cancer smells like kids?

It smells like fear, armpit and ass. Well the pit and ass may be me–It’s been days since I showered. No need to shave in the winter right ladies? Makeup is a moot point as anything applied to my face is instantly rinsed away with tears. And with this short hair who the fuck cares or knows if I’ve combed it today? A little dry shampoo goes a long way…..

Ya wanna know what cancer feels like kids? It feels like I’m going to puke.

That sick feeling has not left me since 11/19-when the biopsy was being performed. I feel those tumors weaving their menacing veins all while weighing my breast down. There is no telling what sort of evil has been done to the inside of my body. Fuck me. That’s a lot of time with my brain and boobs to think…..

Here I am 12 days away from Operation Tit Removal….How does one say goodbye to their #badboob?  This I will to need research a  bit more and report back to you guys.~~Rest assured folks, I will tell you all about it!

……Let alone recovery from breast removal–Currently there is an unfamiliar pain in my shoulder and neck….naturally emotional me thinks cancer has spread and I won’t be even be mobile by the evening~~not true~ I know it’s not attacked me that severely  yet….I’m hoping anyway. There’s no telling the damage done already. Fucking cancer, goddammit.

Here I am walking around smelling like fucking Pigpen in my cancer funk leaving the lovely scent fear and bile in my wake…..

Every step that damned cancer boob throbs, seriously December 22nd can not get here soon enough. Fuck off cancer.

12 more days of trying to be normal. Cleaning the walls, the bathrooms, the closets, the corners in the house. Those corners that haven’t been touched since we accidentally spilled milk back there three years ago. I know people will be visiting and shit. I don’t want you guys to be scared off by the ginormous dust fuckers that’ll great you at the door.

12 more days of trying to be normal. Trying to smile and have fun with five. 12 more days of walking the dog. 12 more days of playing outside, laughing, smiling, making sweet memories so five can think back and hopefully have fond memories of this Christmas.

And if I can get my shit together, hopefully I’ll pull myself together long enough and take a fucking shower.



Convo’s With Friends

I am spiritual without being religious.

If you can accept that, you accept me. And for that I thank you.

If not, well you may as well fuck off because we may never see eye-to-eye. No offense meant, but respect is a two-way avenue. I have no qualms with how you live your life,  I respect your beliefs. Why would you have difficulty accepting mine? With 7 billion people in the world, the chances of any two of us having the same set of beliefs, views, feelings, etc…….are fucking impossible.

We as humans have enough bullshit to sift through without our core beliefs coming into question.

I am optimistic. Wherein I believe our species, on the whole, are compassionate lot of fuckers.

Though recent events make us all question everything and open new dialogue with our children.

A friend mentioned unity. I like it.

We are united. Some of us are walking the cancer road together, some are walking the laid off road, some of us are walking road in hopes of finding their soul mate to walk that bend together.

I have unity

My United Stands With:

  • family
  • friends
  • a phenomenal surgical team
  • an infuckincredible support team
  • all the sweet angels and spirits in the universe
  • soon to be oncologists and the lot that go along with cancer treatment.

That energy is incredible!! Yes, I welcome and embrace your prayers, really I do. The vibes, candles are being felt as well. All the hugs are here at my screen. I have cancer. It’s a fact. (If you are reading this and have or have had cancer, damn.) Could be yours, but happens to be mine at the moment.So, e almost all have some sort of  carcinomas in our bodies– from various foods & environmental factors.

This breast cancer WILL BE GONE December 22nd. Then I will know what my course of treatment will be. That’s a big mindfuck too. There will one surgery to remove all those tumors.

peace, love & root-beer floats



Boob, You Are Grounded!

The moment I found the lump in my breast, I just knew….I knew the lump was cancer, that fucking sneaky ass bastard, stepped right in and began weaving it’s cancerous cells throughout my breast.

Bitch, you are grounded! Get in that fucking corner and don’t get out. 

     I learned I have cancer diagnosis five days ago. 
     I learned I would be losing my breasts four days ago.

This is what I’ve learned in the past five days :

My cancer has a name. It’s Stupid Fucking Asshole, or in medical terms it’s Invasive Ductile Cancer.

  • I know breast cancer is the most common of the cancers.
  • I know it’s treatable, with little to no occurrence.
  • I know I will kick those five tumors asses so hard.
  • I know my husband and family are holding my hand the entire journey.
  • I know my breasts will be removed before Christmas as the tumors are growing rapidly.
  • Radiation will follow as well as 5-10 years of tamoxifen & possible chemo.

Not only am I concerned for the very near future, I am concerned for the bills that will begin to mount. Bad boob be gone. Cancer boob, get the fuck outta here. Medically and scientifically, I’m sure I’ll recover to live a relative normal life. Though those who know me, know I am not normal.

Because, guess what kids? This chick has no insurance. Ludicrous you say. Unbelievable you may say. Truth I say. I am fortunate in the fact that I found a phenomenal breast disease surgeon, Dr. Lisa Tolnitch, MD, FACS. She has agreed to perform my cancer removal, free of charge. A charity case if you will. I hate the term, I do, but fuckit.  The relief that flooded my heart was overwhelming. I will literally owe my healthy life to Dr. Tolnitch. At a harrowing time such as this, it’s a great relief to know there are kind souls, willing and able souls to help those.

Obligatory funding link insertion here.

Bad boob be gone. Cancer boob, get the fuck outta here.